I’ve been back at Harper 24 hours but already I’m feeling claustrophobic. I’ve had lectures, and I’ve been shopping but I feel like I’ve spent the day sitting here on my bed, where I’m sat now, staring at my laptop and trying to force out my research methods report.

There’s always noise – even now someone is playing music and all day people have been lounging in the sun outside being happy, and campus really comes to life in the sunshine. It’s a wonderful atmosphere.

I have one more assignment to complete for first year and five exams, and in five weeks today the year will be over. Just five more weeks of this room, too.

I’m going to miss it if I’m honest. People walking past my window, there always being someone there when you want a chat or a laugh, always something going on. The banter that goes on between the flat mates, even if we step on eachother’s toes a bit when we’re stressed, we all get on well when it comes to it. And it’s so handy for lectures. Outside my window is a tree, a little fir that’s kept its leaves and sheltered blackbirds beneath it all through the winter. The blackbirds come every morning, turning over the leaves and grass in the search for worms, one beady eye on me as I watch them through the window.

I know, subconsciously, that I’m starting to stress about the exams now. I’ve sat enough exams to spot it. This assignment isn’t the hardest but it’s taking time and is due on Monday. I’ve set myself a target to finish it by Wednesday, get it out of the way and crack on with whatever’s next. I know I should have done more revision by now, with my first exam in just over three weeks, so hopefully if I finish the IRM assignment I can do something I feel is productive over the rest of the week and weekend. Then my revision plan will come into full force.

And a weird way, I’m looking forward to the exam period. It will be a massive relief when it’s over but I work best under pressure, running full pelt towards the exams. That way I can feel I’ve done everything I could possibly do, no time wasted, no regrets. If I haven’t got a spare minute to think, I haven’t got a spare minute to worry.

[Edited 23rd May to make it less depressing, because really it doesn’t need to be at all]

And I’m still loving every minute.

Maddi x


4 thoughts on “Ramblings

  1. Oh Mads, those last three lines are so heavy and poignant. This is a beautifully written entry: the imagery’s wonderful. I’m just glad that you can see a light at the end of the tunnel, can see the stress in yourself, and know how well you’ll work under pressure.

    Just remember:
    Your best friend is only a call away.
    Your boyfriend is being looked after in the best place possible.
    5 weeks will whizz by, and your 1st year remembered fondly :)

    Can’t believe you’re 19 and nearly finished 1st year already! Doesn’t seem that long ago that you were only beginning :)

    1. I’m so glad you like the way it’s written :) I wasn’t too sure myself..
      I know, it seems like just days ago that I was getting all excited to come here! I really am having the time of my life though, despite the harder moments.

  2. Hi Maddi – those 5 weeks certainly will whizz by. Sorry to read about Stephen, what a shock. I do hope things are improving and he’s on the mend.

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